My journal and my life

Post #11 It’s Friday!

6pm Friday night & it’s been a good week.  Work from clients has been steady with no stressful deadlines or any crisis so I’ve been able to spread the tasks & take a break to walk the dogs whilst still daylight.  I can relax & just look – an empty house – I’m chilling already 🙂

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It’s been lovely to spend some time with my husband & both dogs this last few days, but he doesn’t live with me & has taken Max & Hayley back to his house when I left for work this morning.  So as I now live alone for the first time, I’ve been able to step through my front door this evening with no demands waiting on my time or energy.

I thought I may have been afraid – you know, switching on all the lights, not daring to enter a room in the dark, cautious of unexpected noises, but no. From the moment I viewed the house it felt right, comfortable & my home.

I love being here.  I’d decided where I wanted to live, the area, even the street, based on practical considerations such as rental cost, access to public transport, proximity to family, view & options for good dog walks.  This was two years after my husband moved out, when we sold the family home & I moved in with my son & his fiance.  That was hard, although Rob & I had struggled to live together, I missed him, missed the close contact & having someone to hug & hug me.  My confidence was low & I was scared of the change.

Living with my son was difficult at times as the dynamics had changed.  Instead of me being able to decide decor, room layout & what to watch on TV etc, he owned the house & it was his choice.  I sat & cried the day we moved in.  Instead of feeling liberated & free with so few responsibilities, I couldn’t cope with the loss of control.  I was adrift & had no motivation.  It was a very low time & at that point I would’ve struggled to live alone as I’d never been on my own, but two years later, I was ready.

I set up viewings of three houses on my chosen street & this was the one I just knew was right – my gut told me so & it’s great when I come home, there’s no dirty dishes or an empty fridge & I can relax without interruption.

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